11.27.2002

God, help me to not be "polite"
I've been thinking quite a bit over the last few days about a comment made by a friend of mine who went through sonship training with his wife.
he and I have a lot in common and as the trend, this fault in his nature is also in mine. One that i have known about but haven't addressed. this is that of a passive nature. I am a people pleaser - in short I am polite. you may wonder why this is a bad attribute. it is only because it is stonger than my will to see the gosple grown, stronger than my desire to sharpen my brothers and sisters (including my wife), and stronger than my willingness to challenge the beliefs of the unbeliever. I like to be liked. no surprise, so does everyone. I don't like conflict. I don't think on my feet very well when under preasure. The comment made to my friend by his counselor was shocking, but true.
After my buddies wife told the couselor that her husband was "polite". the couselor responds "Polite? I would rather be a called a fucking shithead than polite. your wife would be better off being married to an alcoholic. At least then you would both know what the problem is." that is not an exact quote, but the major points are all there.
Wow! don't focus on the "fucking shithead" part other than the implications of something so profound. He went on to explain that being polite is depressing. if you are always wanting to have the right response according to the other person's expectations or society's expectations you will except everything and challenge nothing. you will never make a difference in anyone's life or spread the true gosple. But how to be compasionate and gentle (my common excuse for silence)? In further discussion on the topic this moring with a few brothers (while sitting "in" my regular spot "in" the couch) it was brought up that Jesus was compasionate and gentle yet he turned over tables.

The implications are staggering. To carry this in to real life and look those implications in my own heart at its core is scarry and freeing at the same time. When a situation arrises I am called to react like Christ, but my nature is to react like me - a sinful, self centered moron. Let's say I do recognize a situation as it is happening. Here is a real chance for me to respond as Christ. I look to my heart for that inspiration and say, because I really believe I can react in love. But wait. my heart deceives me. my faith is wavering. In my heart of hearts it is not I who is the instigator of belief in the gosple. I have to recognize that all my faith, my belief from the beginning rests in Jesus' hands. Talk about a one-two punch. The implications for everyday situations spin on and on and I'm getting dizzy (sorry, that was too easy).

We have also been talking about how concieted everyone is in life. We are either looking down our noses thinking we are doing better than others or we are looking up our noses at those "doing better than us". This constant battle has most of us rollercoasting. What if we recognized that we will never be as good as Jesus and let that lead us to a greater appreciation for salvation and it would set us free to do the good things that He has prepared for us to - for His glory! ::deep breath:: wow. Lord, thank you for working in my heart and do so more today.

In other news, I have mice in my house. Number 3 went down last night with the crack of lightning from the spring loaded trap. As I sat in my living room this moring talking through some of this stuff with a pastor/friend I saw # 4 licking his little bastard paws in my kitchen. if there are four, there are more. there is a war at the threshold of this house. I will be the victor, I will rain down the lightning and consume those who trespass near my baseboards. I do not have mercy, though it has been shown to me.
If you come over, watch your toes.

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